FERPA

Me: I need to speak to somebody about a student's account.

College Clerk: Are you the student's sponsor?

Me: Sponsor? I am better than a sponsor! I am the student's mother.

College Clerk: Are you on the student signed authorization form for Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act form?

Me: I am her mother AND I have all these gray hairs to prove it AND I am paying her college bill AND AND AND FERPA EARPA!