too afraid to ask

Last night there were girls out on our porch. A little coffee. A little wine. Lots of laughter. When Abe got out of the shower he came running out of the front door and plopped down and put his feet up on the coffee table. He came to enjoy the "party." I told him he needed to get back into the house because it wasn't a place for little boys.

And then he looked at me - with his cross little face and said this:

I WISH I WAS NOT A LITTLE BOY!!

FERPA

Me: I need to speak to somebody about a student's account.

College Clerk: Are you the student's sponsor?

Me: Sponsor? I am better than a sponsor! I am the student's mother.

College Clerk: Are you on the student signed authorization form for Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act form?

Me: I am her mother AND I have all these gray hairs to prove it AND I am paying her college bill AND AND AND FERPA EARPA!

Let your fingers do the walking. I mean talking.

I have been trying so hard to text message faster because, if I ever wish to communicate with my youngest daughter, that is the only way how. Remember her? Miss 1043.

This has be frustrating for me because I am a very fast typist. My name was always at the top of the board when I was in highschool. That would have been way back when I had to use a manual typewriter for half the time because there weren't enough electric ones to go around.

So today, I am trying to text her to see if she found an e-mail from the college that has our bill to let us know how much we are in the red.

This is what I sent, "Did you kind the e-mail with our invoice?"

I want to let her know that I meant FIND and not KIND but by the time I get all that texted she will have GRADUATED from college.

Guitar Hero

Abe and two of his third grade buddies are putting together a little band. They even have a business plan!

The first thing on their "plan" is that they each need instruments. Abe has chosen to play electric guitar.

The other day when I walked by the computer I glanced to see if he was on Webkinz or Nickjr, which is what most kids his age would be doing. Not my son. He was on EBAY looking for an electric guitar and amp.

Funny thing about that business plan. I didn't see anything about financing this little venture.

My Teeny Circle

The message on my machine said she was passing through and wanted to stop in and see us late afternoon. Good Golly! I don't think she even knew we moved. Had I not seen or talked to her in four years? Last I knew she had 2 kids. Did she have a van load of kids that I didn't even know about?

They moved out of state right after I had Abe. Then they moved further. To a really far away state. Which cracks me up because I didn't even know about that second move until the last time they stopped. FIVE years ago.

The thing with Shauna is that it was as if no time had passed. Except that we had tons of catching up to do. Neither one of us could believe how long it had been since we had last seen each other.

We had become friends so many years ago. Long before she had babies and when my girls were the age of her kiddo's now. Or maybe even younger.

We had so much in common that our friendship was easy. Low maintenance. Her and I have the same exact personality (wild and crazy with a bazillion ideas at all times) and Tom and Randy are both very calm. We loved old houses. Real estate. Decorating. Cooking. God. Golden Dragon. She is way more crafty. I have a Christmas ornament that reminds me of her every single year I hang it on my tree. I wasn't surprised to hear that for fun she works in a yarn shop and gives knitting lessons. She teaches exercise classes at the Y. Her kids both still go to Christian school where she volunteers. She isn't home much. They keep very busy.

Many times I feel like a failure as a friend. I struggle to stay connected. Even with people in town. Life shifts. Babies grow. Friends move. I am an introvert (my excuse for EVERYTHING!) My circle of friends is usually my neighbors and family. Someday the neighbors will move (speaking from past experience) and we may catch up with each other at the weddings of our kids or we'll bump into each other at the Main Street Deli. If we're lucky - a random Christmas card. But only if you let your old friends know that you have moved.

Wanna be my friend? Call me, OK? I am an introvert. What do you expect.

Home Alone

The kiddo's are gone for a couple of days. Randy is on shut down, which means long hours. He is working late tonight so I'll be home alone this evening. Do I cook or do I have a rice cake and peanutbutter for the third night in a row?

When everybody is gone, the house seems really big. And really quiet. What should I do?

I could catch up on the two books I have been dying to read except that means that I have to take out my contacts and put on my bifocals.
I could take a nap except I probably wouldn't sleep tonight.
I could bake something gluten free except I feel like I've gained weight the way it is.
I could watch HGTV except that will result in me having a "vision" and that will result in me wanting to redo my entire house. That wouldn't be so good.
I could walk except it is only cool enough after 9 p.m. and even then it's too hot.
I should clean my house. I like to do that on Thursday so it is clean for the weekend.
I could just turn my ceiling fan and sit on the front porch except that is no fun all by myself.
I could get groceries, which we desperately need except I hate going grocery shopping.
I could rent a movie. I just used Red Box for the first time last weekend. Is it fun to watch a movie all by yourself?
I could play Guitar Hero except I'm not sure if I know how to get it started.

I miss my family!!

1043

Do you know what this number means? Not to worry because I will let you in on our dirty family secrets.

Her: WU?
Me: Who have you been text messaging 50 times a day?
Her: IDK. My BFF Anna?
Me: 1043 times? In 21 days? Is she not in your circle?! Heaven forbid you flip open that little phone and talk to her like when I was a kid! Which, btw, we had cords connected to our phone. Busy signals. And a buzzer to cut you off!

What is this world coming to? Are 1000 text messages a month not enough anymore? Must we always have more more more?

So, I took care of the issue this morning. No more text messaging. JK! I increased her plan. You give an inch they want a mile!

KIDS!

because you care 'bout me

• It's going to be hot - really hot and I can't tolerate the heat. Seriously - I will melt. When did I start to sweat? I used not to.
  
• Randy is on shut down until next weekend- he will be working or sleeping or doing dishes for me. Like he did tonight.
• My niece Syd is having an 8th birthday gala- This baby girl grew up as fast as Abe did. Literally.
  
• I'm painting pottery - this is supposed to be a fun activity. It stresses me out. Too many choices. Plate? Bowl? Platter? Frog? Turtle? Cup? Red? Green? Orange? Polka dot? Stripe? Drip? See?
• I'm trying to get back onto a regular walking schedule with my new partner - He requires no leash and he can't drive yet so he can't jump into his car to run away from me. Another reason I love eight year olds.
• I bought two ginormous bottles of dietary supplements at Sam's Club. I almost needed a cart to get those two huge bottles out to my Trail Blazer. When we were in the check out line Abe was so excited to point out to me that the 80 year lady with the walker in front of me was buying the same exact bottles of stuff that I was! Next up for me - a hair net and a BM chart.
  

OFFSTAR

I have not given analog to digital a second thought. Our TV's are older than my kids but we have cable tv so we should be OK.

What I had not thought of is the onstar in our Trail Blazer, which we don't even subscribe to, by the way. The thing is every single time I am driving a message scrolls across my dash.

SERVICE ONSTAR. SERVICE ONSTAR. SERVICE ONSTAR.

Come to find out our vehicle is analog. For a mere $15.00 and a $199.00 yearly contract we can upgrade.

I'll tell you what. If it's not one thing it's another.

good-bye kisses

I'm kissin' stuff good-bye. If only for today.

Decision making - Abe came into the kitchen with the most adorable little baby bunny. A "friend" for Petunia, he said. I asked him if his dad gave him permission to have ANOTHER bunny and he said he did. Done deal.

Cooking -Didn't cook. Anything. Stuck tater tots in the oven. Cut up three cucumbers and a tomato. Does that count as cooking?

Hypochondriac yak yak - My family doctor won't even talk to me until he has the results from the GI doctor. So - I have a reprieve where I don't have to figure things out. I'm waiting on him.

Gluten - My very beautiful neighbor and adopted daughter made me gluten free Peach Cobbler with vanilla icecream and to top all that off decaf coffee. Who could ask for more on a summer night?

Money - we just wrapped up financing for Annie's first year of college. One year down.....
AND then I put gas in my vehicle.

Stash Cash - I cannot wait to go to Chicago in a couple of weeks. All I want to do when we're there is to see Wicked (and Abby, Jeff and Stella, of course). I am trying to come with a reasonable amount to spend on tickets. How much?????

Bedtime - I had good intentions. Really, I did. You know what they say about good intentions.

control freak

I heard something yesterday that I have been pondering.

When we think that we are "in control" that is really another form of being selfish and prideful. What that implies is that it is all about me. I found that very interesting and timely.

What I have decided to is to just throw up my hands and declare that I am not in control. Here are a few things I am dealing with, totally out of my control:

I have to have another colonoscopy. That will mean 2 within 6 weeks of each other. Another cleansing. YUK! All I know for sure is whatever is going is not terminal (I am claiming this to be true) and so whatever else it is I can deal with it.

We are working on our Chicago trip and the dates are just not jiving for everybody. We should be able to make this work, right? I should be able to pick the dates that work for me, right? You would think so but you would think wrong.

Gas prices. Stock market. Groceries. Oh My! Need I say more?

do you want my spare change?

The wind is blowing in a change. I feel it in my bones. I don't really like it. I hate it really. There are some things in life you just can't change. One of them IS change. It seems to find me no matter where I am hiding.

I have found that most changes that have happened in my adult life have been a rather difficult transition for me. I am sure most of my difficulty has been self inflicted. I know that I have unrealistic expectations. I refuse to see the writing on the wall. I do not prioritize the way that I should have. I didn't invest enough time in certain people or activities. Suddenly, time has passed and it's time to move on. Mostly, life leaves me in the dust and I am left brushing myself off totally perplexed.

God willing, I still have some time to get all of this figured out.

nothing much - trust me.

Last night I decided not to watch the clock. Just to go with how I was feeling and not worry about "bedtime" or "oh-my-gosh!-It's-already-2 a.m.-and-I-am-still-roaming-around-the-house-and-I-need-to-get-up-in-5-hours-and-I-require-a-good-10-hours-of-sleep-to-even-feel decent."
So Annie and I made a grocery run at 11:00 last night. On the way home - way after midnight - we drove by Casey's house (This made me feel like I was in high school). She kept blogging about being up till all hours and I wanted to see for myself. Sure enough - ALL of her lights were on. We almost stopped but then we decided we had better get home. We had a load of grocery's that needed put away and it WAS already 12:30.
I had so much fun with baby sister and it makes me sad to think next month I will have to drive 2 hours to hang out with her at Wal-Mart in the middle of the night. Yes - I may drive that far just for a hug. Co-dependent? I think so. That would be me-not her.

Yesterday, my brother came by where I work. He came to fix a computer that was- well if I knew what was wrong with it I wouldn't have called him in the first place!
My office is clear in the back but I heard him come in the front door. After a while I paged our receptionist and asked her if Tal was still here. Nope, she said. He already left. What? No time to tell his big sister HELLO. Apparently, he is way too busy. Whatever!

Tonight is Shop The Night Away. Really all this is is a sidewalk sale in the dark. But there are tons of people uptown and we just all hang out. I'm looking forward to it. What a life I have - right?

Finally, there are some drivers-ed issues in this little town.

1. Nobody seems to know how to use the roundabout. This is highly annoying since I have to use it at least twice a day and at least twice a day people come to a complete stop and wait until there are no vehicles going around. And they are always the drivers in front of me.
2. Our McDonald's has a double drive thru lane. Nobody can ever figure this out, either.
3. Our main intersection in town is under major road construction. UNTIL THANKSGIVING! What this means is that the same people who can't manage a round-about or McDonald's are trying to make it through an intersection, which is now one lane - no left turns - and a four way stop. I am just waiting for somebody to plow me over. Either in my Blazer or more than likely - when I am walking. Probably tonight - during Shop The Night Away. These crazy drivers will be trying to get through with hundreds of shopping women. Just wait and see. I guarantee I will be going down. Right there on Main and Kansas.

Days and Nights

I remember those early days when Abby was a baby. I could stay up all night with her (which I did, by the way) and then early in the morning we would both fall asleep and sleep until whenever which one of us decided to wake up first. After lunch.

You can only enjoy that luxury for a short time. Only with the first born and only if you don't have a paid job to get to. Those days are so long gone that I barely remember them.

Back in those days, I was never one to put my babies on a schedule. Goes against who you thought I was - doesn't it? There were no 4:00 or 10:00 feedings at my house. Nope. None.

These days I am the one who has my days and nights mixed up. Seriously, I lay in bed and I just can't seem to fall asleep or else I fall asleep and keep waking up. Then, when it is time to get up I am sleeping like a baby. And these days I have a paid job that my boss appreciates demands me being at on time.

I wonder if those espresso drinks late in the afternoons are catching up with me....

I remember making fun of my older friends who used to require decaf coffee in the evenings. Now, I am one of them.

I am beautiful inside!

I survived the colonoscopy while being wide awake during it. Same old same old, however. Around 20% of people who have their gall bladder removed suffer from complications. That would be me. So no knew news there.

Funny thing is that this morning somebody told me that I was a hypochondriac. That made me smile because I was beginning to wonder about that myself. I don't think that I am but maybe I don't even know anymore. On one hand I had to be prodded to even go to the doctor and I really tried to talk the GI doc out of doing the scope yesterday. But on the other hand I am gluten intolerant. I have lots of sun damage and analyze those funny looking spots. Who knows? Maybe I am becoming a little obsessive with my middle aged health.

On a different note - I just can't stop singing All Summer Long by Kid Rock. Randy is buying me an I-pod and I can't wait. That way I can be singing All Summer Long all summer long, myself!

I know him too well

We drove the 30 or so miles to my appointment this morning and as we are walking into the Doctor's office I notice Randy carrying in his $25 Starbucks coffee cup (a very nice stainless steel one that I got him for Valentines Day). I made the comment that he better keep track of that thing and not leave it there. He assured me he would not leave it there. Good grief! He is not one of our kids and I shouldn't treat him like one.

After I check in and we sit down I notice his coffee cup sitting on the table next to the magazines. He is engrossed in a People magazine. I made the comment that he better not get up and leave that coffee cup sitting there. By this time he is more than agitated with my friendly reminders. I should treat him like the adult that he is.

We drive 30 minutes home. We walk in the back door and he turns right around and heads back outside.

"Where ya going?" I ask.

"To see if my coffee cup is in the Blazer AND YOU HAD BETTER NOT SAY A WORD!"

One guess where the coffee cup is?

Just Because

Because I am eating 100% gluten free and still have major digestive issues my doctor has referred me to a GI for further testing.

Because of this I am on day two of a liquid diet. In reality it seems like I am on day 12.

Because of "liquids only" we had to cut our walk short last night and then I had to practically jog the rest of the way home.

Because of that magnesium citrate, I thought for sure that I would wake up and find my jeans baggy. They are not.

Because I can't have red jello I opted for lime jello. I don't even like lime jello to begin with and, after today, I will never eat it again. I will gag at the thought of it.

Because I struggle with feeling as if everything is my personal responsibility anyways- please do not tell me that these past 10 years of misery are self induced by my disposition. If you do choose to speak to me that way - you will be on my short list.

Because I am feeling very desperate I may just find myself in a dark alley. Just me and my paper bag. No - not whisky. My drug of choice is a Big Mac and super sized fries.

typical me

I had all these great plans. We were going to head out around 3:30 today. Drive 60 miles. Set up our chairs for an outdoor jazz concert with fireworks afterwards. Go get a bite to eat. The weather is perfect for jazz guitar under the stars. Total summer fun. Just my thing. Abe is so excited. I WAS so excited. Randy was in it as he always is. He could take it or leave it and be just the same, either way.

Now that the day is here I am feeling very blah. The thought of heading out overwhelms me. I think I should drive home and stay put. At least in my little corner of the world. Maybe go for coffee and sit on my porch. Why do I do this to myself?

I start thinking of stuff like:

1. gas money
2. eating out money
3. Randy is in the middle of yet another moonlighting job (so we can have gas money and food money) and I am hitting my head against a cement wall.

The other thing is that there is a block party tonight. All the kids will have all their fireworks out and Abe would be in his element. I can tell you for certain that if I told him that "big party down the street that we have never been invited to until this year - the one that you sit on the corner every single year and watch and cry because you just want to join in the fun" is tonight he would say "Jazz concert? BORING!"

Decisions. Decisions.

They say it's your birthday!

Happy Birthday Mom! In honor of your special day we have compiled a list of SIXTY things we love about you! (plagiarized from Jamie) Please note that these are in no particular order.

FROM YOURS TRULY:

1. Your Cottage Cheese dumplings. (Now these are called Gluten Dumplings)
2. You are a mother to my husband. (this one is from Randy, too!)
3. You never forgot to tuck me in at night.
4. You came to sit with my 2-week-old colicky baby at 2 a.m. Thanksgiving morning.
5. You hosted the most beautiful wedding in your backyard at a moment’s notice. And the wedding dinner, too!
6. You were there when all three of my children were born.
7. You play a mean game of pitch.
8. You have cleaned my house.
9. You have even weeded my yard!
10. I can call you anytime. Anyplace.
11. You are a great example of how to have a long and happy marriage.
12. You treated your mother-in-law like she was your own mother.
13. You like to shop. And sometimes you take me with you.
14. You like to eat out. And sometimes she takes me with you.
15. You let me take piano and saxophone lessons.
16. You took us to Disney World and bought all three of us matching T-shirts in case we got lost. Which was good because one of us did! (Where’s CHAD??!!)
17. You love each of my children for who they are. Piercings and tattoos!
18. You love Stella just like one of the gang.
19. All those camping trips that you planned, packed and cooked for!
20. Your Christ filled spirit.

FROM TAL:

1. Your Mac and Cheese
2. Your Sloppy Joes
3. Your Goulash
4. Your Husband
5. Your Mom
6. Your Dad
7. Your Oldest Daughter
8. Your Youngest Son
9. Your Thanksgiving Dinner
10. Your Christmas Dinner
11. Your 6th Grade Presentation for Me
12. Great Wolf Lodge
13. Your Iced Tea
14. Your Hugs
15. Being My Children’s Grandma
16. Helping us with our babies (does that count as 4?)
17. See #16
18. See #16
19. See #16
20. Being My Mother

FROM CHAD:

1. Cooking
2. Singing
3. Heart
4. Faithfulness
5. My childhood
6. Giving
7. Mac and Cheese (this makes me sad) and Cottage Cheese Dumplings. (this makes me more sad)
8. Backyard.
9. Christmas.
10. Branson.
11. Fried Taters.
12. Helpfulness.
13. Housekeeping- Mine!
14. Time spent with my kids.
15. Role model.
16. Dedication to husband.
17. Car.
18. Family orientated.
19. Family vacations.
20. Camping.

His very own words

From my most favorite 8 year old:

"We better not let anybody know that the babies are home. Otherwise, people will be swarming all over their house!" This is funny because just two weeks ago they had to call a real live bee keeper to get a huge hive with thousands of bees that really WERE swarming all around their house.

"I would love a baby brother but really, it would be way too much trouble." When I asked him what he thought was too much trouble and he replied too much crying and feeding and whispering. And we wouldn't be able to take any big trips. EVER AGAIN! (like we take any now!)

"The only weddings I will ever go to are my sisters, because they get married in way better places than a church. Like at Grandma's." This was his reply when we were discussing the upcoming weddings and if he should go with us or not. Apparently he will not be going!

"Is Pastor Tim the one who drank all that coffee and then could never fall asleep and so he just stayed awake until Church?" Pastor Tim DID say that in a sermon about a month or so ago. And I thought he did not ever pay attention.