probably 'cause I don't have GPS

When Abe started Tae Kwan Do three years ago, I never imagined that it would turn into what it has. It is his "thing" and has turned into 24-7. I may be exaggerating but only a tad. I know plenty of people who put their kids on traveling sports team and I know they spend more time and effort than I ever will but still, for my little world this seems like a lot. blah blah blah. Anyways, he has his thing what is mine?

We were really tempted to keep Abe home from our Wednesday night church for yet another year. Why? Because it is just something else on our calendar. And every time I leave him there I feel the guilt nudge that I should be doing more to help out at Church. I would help with sign in but nobody ever asks me to do something that I would actually enjoy. Nooo. They ask me to wipe noses or heard a bunch of wild kids around. So I cop an attitude and just don't want to be there. I seriously need to go to confession (if we had it) about my bad boy attitude. Why can't I do something fun? Do I have to call and make the announcement, "Hey! It's me Stephanie! Do you have any fun church jobs? You know - like sitting on my butt and checking the kids in? And if possible, can I do it with my friends? "

I can justify just about everything that I have removed myself from. It's not like I'm not doing ANYTHING you know. College class-which involves 6 hours of homework a week and I am not exaggerating this time. I work outside the home. We have laundry (you have that too, you say? The thing is I don't have front loaders) Not to mention the mother of all - this old house (you don't have THAT, I bet!)

Shouldn't I be involved in something that takes the focus off of me? I could be teaching Sunday School? It is so not my thing. Helping in the nursery? Not so much my cup of tea, either. I could be and should be going to an adult Sunday School class. I don't because mostly everybody pretends to have it all together and I get stressed out comparing myself. I know - sue me. That is not what Sunday School is all about but still......right or wrong it's how I feel.
I could be helping with the Habitat house- Randy doesn't even let me know where the hammer is at my own house! I want to have people over to eat and hang out. Build stronger friendships. Why is this so hard?

The olden days of so long ago I actually did stuff and complained. These days I just don't do anything and still complain.

I keep telling myself that I am introvert after all. A guilty introvert in need of getting off her rear and finding some meaningful direction.