I have been a mother for one fourth of a century. When Abby used those exact words yesterday it made it seem like a very long time. Who am I kidding? It is a long time!
Twenty five years ago this very day God blessed me with a beautiful baby girl. To say she was beautiful is an understatement. We all think our babies are the prettiest - but she really was.
When I first held her and looked at her perfectly round teeny tiny head I could see something that only God had the power to create and gift at his discretion. I was bound and determined to not fail that 18" 6# 2oz little one who had just came straight from Gods tender loving care.
I knew deep down in my heart that He had given us something very special and He had great plans in store for her and it was my responsibility as her mother to make sure those gifts came to life and she was equipped to go forth and live a life of purpose. That there is HUGE. Bigger than ME. And I take my jobs very seriously.
Those dreams are so easy in the hospital room with a brand new little one in your arms. Everything is so new...nursing, cloth diapers, sleepless nights, where will she go to college?.
However - years pass and things get cloudy and you forget. You get beyond tired. Beyond flat broke. Way out of reach from the end of your rope.
And maybe - if you are like me - you plan your quick escape in the middle of the night. Days aren't easy. Some years are down right brutal. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It's crazy. It's also true.
I'm so thankful that I stayed. Not that I would have ever run too far away but I would be lying if I didn't say it did not cross my mind a time or two.
This was my mantra for a long time:
"If I can only make it to lunch. If I can only make it to dinner. If I can only make it til tomorrow...."
"If I can only make it to lunch. If I can only make it to dinner. If I can only make it til tomorrow..."
ummm....there is no such thing as tomorrow. When I was almost there it always turned into today.
It reminds me of colic. The doctor would tell me that one day Abby would just stop screaming. I really was skeptical of that. REALLY? He was witnessing her crying while he was dispersing advice. Would it be next Monday? Christmas? The 4th of July? Her FIRST BIRTHDAY??? People who knew us back then still say the they have never seen a MORE FUSSY BABY!
She DID stop screaming and I know longer want to run away. OK - sometimes I still do but for other reasons.
Today my little birthday girl celebrates her 25th birthday. I am so happy that I did not throw in the towel. So glad that she did not give up on me either. She stuck it out just like I did.
She is the pioneer of our family. She was our social experiment. I was a tough mom. I ran a tight ship. That said - I'm even a tougher fighter FOR her. I'm her biggest fan. I'm her loudest cheerleader.
My dream for her now has changed. I hope that her two beautiful daughters grow up to be just like her.
Happy Birthday, Abby Jo!
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